Relationship Management: Building and Sustaining Effective Connections
Relationship management is your ability to use your awareness of your own emotions and those of others to manage interactions successfully. In Daniel Goleman's emotional intelligence framework, relationship management is one of four core domains and builds upon the foundational skills of self-awareness, self-management, and social awareness. This domain concerns your skill at inducing desirable responses in others and effectively collaborating, leading, and interacting through emotionally intelligent practices.
Key Competencies of Relationship Management
1. Influence
The ability to have a positive impact on others, to persuade or convince them to gain their support.
This involves:
• Presenting ideas effectively to motivate action
• Building consensus and buy-in
• Using multiple strategies to persuade others
• Mobilizing people toward a shared vision
2. Coach and Mentor
The ability to foster the long-term learning or development of others through feedback and support. This includes:
• Providing constructive feedback that builds skills and knowledge
• Recognizing and supporting others' development needs
• Offering guidance and encouragement
• Creating opportunities for growth
3. Teamwork
The ability to work with others toward a shared goal by creating an atmosphere of cooperation and mutual respect.
This involves:
• Building effective teams and collaboration
• Creating synergy among diverse groups
• Fostering an environment of cooperation
• Contributing to collective success
4. Conflict Management
The ability to help others through emotional or tense situations by understanding different perspectives and
finding common ground. This includes:
• Settling disputes, differences of opinion, and misunderstandings
• Resolving disagreements constructively
• Finding win-win solutions
• De-escalating tense situations
Why Relationship Management Matters
Relationship management builds on the three other core behaviors of emotional intelligence. Without self-awareness,
self-management, and social awareness, you cannot effectively manage relationships with others. As leadership is
often described as "the art of getting work done well through other people," these relationship management
competencies provide the interpersonal tools to achieve that effectively.
Leaders who excel at relationship management can inspire and influence effectively, mobilize people toward a shared
vision, resolve disputes constructively, and create synergy among diverse groups.
Practical Strategies to Develop Relationship Management Skills
Practice Active Listening
Active listening means more than just hearing words. Maintain eye contact, nod to show understanding,
and use verbal acknowledgments like "I see what you're saying" or "That makes sense." This approach helps build
trust and shows you genuinely value others' input.
Develop Assertive Communication
Express yourself clearly and respectfully. Instead of saying "Maybe we should," try "I believe
we should." Assertive communication allows you to share your perspective while respecting others' views.
Acknowledge Others' Emotions
While acknowledging the feelings of others can be uncomfortable, it is an effective relationship
management strategy. When people express emotions, take time to acknowledge how they are feeling. Do not try to
stifle, change, or dismiss their feelings.
Show You Care
Simple gestures go a long way. Say "thank you," tell people you appreciate them, and recognize
their contributions. These actions build stronger connections and demonstrate genuine care.
Provide Direct and Constructive Feedback
Offer helpful information about what can be done to improve performance or behavior, focusing
on actions that can be changed. Frame feedback positively and specifically, making it actionable.
Practice Mindfulness
Mindfulness helps shift your preoccupation with thought toward an appreciation of the moment
and your physical and emotional sensations. This practice calms and focuses you, making you more self-aware and
better able to manage relationships effectively.
Keep a Journal
Record and reflect daily on how your emotions influenced your decision-making, interactions,
and meetings—whether positive or negative. This helps you identify what to repeat or avoid in future interactions.
Seek Feedback
Actively seek feedback from managers, colleagues, and peers while also conducting self-assessment.
Comparing the results will surface any blind spots or leadership gaps. Be willing to accept feedback and grow from it.
Listen to Understand, Not Just to Respond
Take time to really listen to colleagues and understand them on a personal level. This enhances
relationship management skills and makes people more comfortable talking with you.
Remember: Unlike IQ and personality, emotional intelligence is flexible and can be modified or improved. The skills that make up emotional intelligence—including relationship management—can be learned at any time through conscious effort and consistent practice. Relationship management is a skill that improves as you develop greater awareness of yourself and others.
Additional Resources
Here's an article from SOA.org:
Emotional Intelligence: Building the Skill of Relationship Management
Here's an article from Utah State University:
How to be an Emotionally Intelligent Partner: Focus on Relationship Management
