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Emotional Intelligence


(from GPT-4)

"Emotional Intelligence" by Daniel Goleman, PhD, published in 1995, is a groundbreaking work that popularized the concept of emotional intelligence (EI).  Goleman argues that EI-comprising abilities such as self-awareness, impulse control, persistence, empathy, and social deftness are as important, if not more so, than IQ in determining personal and professional success.

1.  Definition of Emotional Intelligence

Goleman defines emotional intelligence as the ability both to manage one's own emotions and to understand the emotions of people around one.  He identifies five main domains of EI:

  1. Self-awareness:
    Recognizing one's own emotions and their effects.
    [The Return-to-Love Process exercises the subscriber's self-awareness as they describe their troubling situation and what they want in the "valued experiences" fields.  It also enables the subscriber to identify how they feel by multiple choice on the page Identify My Feelings.]

  2. Self-regulation:
    Managing one's emotions to facilitate rather than hinder tasks.
    [The Return-to-Love Process provides a non-reactive script that addresses the subscriber's troubling situation and guides them through a collaborative conversation with their partner.  The script is designed to help participants regulate their emotions while communicating effectively and kindly.  The process of using the app to enter a description of the situation and the valued experiences of both people naturally slows down the subscriber's reaction to the situation and engages the prefrontal cortex and language centers to enable a more strategic, sensible response.]

  3. Internal motivation:
    Directing emotions toward achieving goals.
    [The Return-to-Love Process elicits the subscriber's goals and values in the "valued experiences" fields and directs their attention away from pointless complaining.  The script is designed to help the subscriber communicate their goals and values to their partner in a positive, compassionate, proactive way and to exhibit the subscriber's understanding of their conversation partner's valued experiences in the situation.]

  4. Empathy:
    Recognizing, understanding, and considering other people's emotions.
    [Perhaps the most challenging step in The Return-to-Love Process is when the subscriber identifies their understanding of their conversation partner's valued experiences (unmet needs).  The script is crafted to help the subscriber express empathy for their partner's feelings and needs and advocate for them to be fulfilled.]

  5. Social skills:
    Managing relationships to move people in desired directions, whether in leading, negotiating, or working as part of a team.
    [Enacting a script as part of The Return-to-Love Process, the subscriber exhibits social skills inherent in the maturity of their custom-created script.  By engaging their conversation partner at the level of needs, where people share similar values, rather than debating at the level of strategies where conflicts occur, participants evolve more effective social skills.]


2.  Importance of Emotional Intelligence

Goleman presents evidence that emotional intelligence is a key determinant of success in life.  This includes success in professional environments, relationships, and personal well-being.  He argues that emotional intelligence can be as powerful, and at times more powerful, than IQ. 

3.  Development of Emotional Intelligence

Unlike IQ, which Goleman suggests is relatively static throughout life, he argues that emotional intelligence can be developed and enhanced through practice and learning.  Strategies for improving one's emotional intelligence include self-awareness exercises, practicing empathy, learning to manage and regulate emotional responses, and developing better social skills.

4.  Impact on Society

Goleman discusses the implications of emotional intelligence on various societal issues, including education, violent crime, and mental health.  He advocates for education systems to integrate emotional intelligence training into their curricula to equip students with necessary life skills.

Subsequent Writings and Developments

Following the success of "Emotional Intelligence," Daniel Goleman wrote several related books and numerous articles to expand on the concept and explore its implications in different contexts:

"Working with Emotional Intelligence" (1998): Goleman extends the concept of EI to the workplace, showing how emotional intelligence can enhance professional performance and leadership skills.

"Social Intelligence" (2006): This book explores the social aspects of emotional intelligence, particularly how we handle relationships and the biological underpinnings of social interactions.

"Ecological Intelligence" (2009): Goleman examines how our understanding of ecological facts can improve our actions toward the environment, highlighting the role of awareness in making ethical consumer choices.

"Focus: The Hidden Driver of Excellence" (2013): He emphasizes the importance of attention mechanisms as part of emotional and cognitive intelligence, arguing that focus is crucial for achieving excellence in various areas of life.

Daniel Goleman's works collectively emphasize the importance of emotional and social skills, advocating for a broader understanding of human intelligence and capabilities.  His contributions continue to influence educational policies, corporate training programs, and individual personal development practices. 

(end of citation from GPT-4)


Generative emotional intelligence™ (GenEI) is the capability of an AI LLM (large language model) to generate text that exhibits the skills of emotional intelligence to support the evolution of more-mature human-to-human relationships.  Emotional intelligence is embodied in conversational responses from "Chad" in RapportTalk™ and in scripts produced by ReturnToLove.app for a collaborative conversation in alignment with the principles and practices of Nonviolent Communication (NVC) — what we call collaborative conversation.