Emotional Intelligence (EI)

Emotional intelligence refers to the ability to recognize, understand, manage, and effectively express one's own emotions, as well as to perceive, interpret, and respond appropriately to the emotions of others. EI involves using emotional awareness to guide thinking and behavior and adapting or adjusting emotions to achieve goals in different environments or contexts.

The 6 Essential Skills of Emotional Intelligence

If you ask any LLM (large language model) to define emotional intelligence, it will likely give you a list of essential skills. We've seen many variations of this list. (See one from Claude Sonnet 4.5 below.)

We've adopted the following six skills as the most essential.

Prompt:
Please return a universally accepted definition of emotional intelligence and the essential skills recognizable in high emotional intelligence — its key elements, what each of those mean, the essential skills of emotional intelligence, examples of what that would look like, and how to improve emotional intelligence.

(Response from Claude Sonnet 4.5)

Emotional Intelligence: Definition and Essential Skills

Emotional intelligence (EI or EQ) is the capacity to recognize, understand, manage, and effectively use emotions in oneself and others. The most widely cited definition comes from psychologists Peter Salovey and John Mayer, who describe it as "the ability to monitor one's own and others' feelings and emotions, to discriminate among them, and to use this information to guide one's thinking and actions."

The Five Key Elements of Emotional Intelligence:

Daniel Goleman popularized a framework that identifies five core components of emotional intelligence:

Self-Awareness is the foundation of emotional intelligence. This means having a deep understanding of your emotions, strengths, weaknesses, values, and motivations, and recognizing how your feelings affect your thoughts and behavior. Someone with strong self-awareness notices when they're becoming frustrated in a meeting and understands why, rather than simply reacting. They might recognize, for instance, that criticism from a particular colleague triggers defensiveness because it reminds them of childhood experiences.

[Practice Emotional Intelligence gives the practitioner neutral feedback on the emotional components of their audio recording about their relationship situation and offers an assessment of how their conversational behavior exhibits emotional intelligence.

Conversation with Chad exercises the practitioner's self-awareness as they dialogue with "Chad" about their troubling relationship situation.

The Return-to-Love Process exercises the practitioner's self-awareness as they describe what they want as "valued experiences" in their situation. It also enables the practitioner to identify how they feel by multiple choice on the page Identify My Feelings. After the practitioner describes their relationship situation, the system offers them a script for a collaborative conversation with their partner. —ed. ]
Self-Management involves managing your emotions and impulses effectively. Rather than being controlled by feelings, you can pause, think, and choose how to respond. This doesn't mean suppressing emotions, but rather expressing them appropriately. A person with strong self-regulation might feel angry about unfair treatment but chooses to address it calmly and constructively rather than lashing out. They can adapt to changing circumstances without becoming overwhelmed.

[We call this "self-regulation" which is more commonly used in the literature. —ed. ]

Motivation in this context refers to intrinsic drive — being motivated by internal rewards rather than external factors like money or status. Emotionally intelligent people are passionate about their work, committed to goals, and optimistic even in the face of setbacks. They maintain enthusiasm and persistence when projects become challenging, finding meaning in the work itself rather than requiring constant external validation.

[We call this "integrity-centered motivation" to differentiate it from outward-derived values, which can complicate one's motivations and lead to conflict with one's core values. —ed. ]

Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of others. This goes beyond sympathy to actually sensing what someone else is experiencing and responding appropriately to their emotional state. An empathetic manager notices when a typically productive team member seems withdrawn and creates space for conversation, understanding that personal struggles may be affecting their work. They read emotional cues in body language, tone, and context.

Social Skills encompass the ability to build and maintain relationships, communicate clearly, inspire and influence others, manage conflict, and work collaboratively. Someone with strong social skills knows how to navigate different social situations, build rapport quickly, give feedback that motivates rather than discourages, and bring people together around common goals.

[We separate this area of skills into two groups: social awareness — that is, perception of others' states of mind and emotion — and relationship management — that is, the ability to build and maintain relationships, communicate clearly, inspire and influence others, manage conflict, and work collaboratively. —ed. ]

What High Emotional Intelligence Looks Like in Practice

In everyday situations, high emotional intelligence manifests in recognizable ways. During a heated discussion, an emotionally intelligent person remains calm, listens actively to understand others' perspectives, and responds thoughtfully rather than reactively. When receiving critical feedback, they separate their self-worth from the criticism, asking clarifying questions to understand the feedback fully and considering what they can learn from it.

In leadership positions, high EI shows up as creating psychological safety where team members feel comfortable sharing concerns, recognizing and celebrating others' contributions genuinely, and adapting communication styles to connect with different personality types. These individuals handle conflicts by acknowledging emotions on all sides while guiding conversations toward constructive solutions.

In personal relationships, emotionally intelligent people apologize sincerely when they've caused hurt, express vulnerability appropriately, and maintain healthy boundaries while staying connected to others. They recognize when they need support and ask for it directly rather than expecting others to read their minds.

How to Improve Emotional Intelligence

Developing emotional intelligence is a lifelong practice that begins with building self-awareness. Start by regularly checking in with yourself throughout the day, naming the emotions you're experiencing and identifying what triggered them. Journaling can be particularly effective — writing about emotional experiences helps you spot patterns in what triggers certain reactions. Seeking honest feedback from trusted friends or colleagues about your emotional impact on others provides valuable perspective.

To strengthen self-regulation, practice the pause. When you notice strong emotions arising, take a few deep breaths before responding. This simple act creates space between impulse and action. Developing healthy coping strategies for stress — whether exercise, meditation, creative expression, or talking with others — gives you tools to manage difficult emotions constructively.

For building empathy, practice active listening where you focus entirely on understanding the other person rather than planning your response. Try to imagine situations from others' perspectives, considering their background, pressures, and emotional state. Reading literary fiction has actually been shown to improve empathy, as it invites you into characters' inner emotional worlds.

Social skills improve through practice and feedback. Pay attention to how your words and actions affect others, and adjust accordingly. Study people who navigate social situations skillfully and notice what they do differently. Work on specific skills like giving effective feedback, managing conflict constructively, or reading nonverbal communication.

Finally, cultivate curiosity about emotions generally. Rather than judging feelings as good or bad, approach them with interest. Why do humans experience jealousy? What purpose does anxiety serve? Understanding emotions as information rather than problems to be fixed transforms your relationship with your inner life and makes you more effective at understanding others.

The journey toward greater emotional intelligence requires patience with yourself, as these skills develop gradually through consistent practice and self-reflection. The effort yields profound benefits in both professional effectiveness and personal well-being.

(end of citation from Claude Sonnet 4.5)