What's the Return-to-Love Process™ about?

Sometimes a couple encounters a situation in which a conflict or misunderstanding surfaces and undermines the joy of their relationship.

When a conflict arises in a relationship, the instinctive response is often to withdraw or try to 'win the argument' rather than to understand our partner's threatened or unmet needs and advocate for their fulfillment.  (Conflicts usually occur at the level of strategies, not needs.)

[To read a 300-word summary of this page, click here.]


The Return-to-Love Process™ charts a safe course through those turbulent waters with a customized, situation-specific script for a conversation based on principles and practices of nonviolent communication.  (The script is crafted by a large language model, a generative feature of artificial intelligence, applied here to facilitate effective communication and improve relationships.) 

Here's a true story about a scripted conversation that changed everything. 

“What!?", you say.  "How could performing a script together (that we didn't write) possibly help us understand each other or relate better emotionally?”  

The experience of it defies logic and expectations.  Enacting the script sets a respectful tone that may feel unfamiliar in a comforting way.  Before you write off the idea, we urge you to conduct a free experiment by creating and enacting a scripted conversation about a real conflict you're experiencing.  (We're betting you'll be pleased and surprised with the results.)

If you want to be understood by a partner, the principles and practices of nonviolent communication emphasize first listening to them with presence, curiosity, kindness, and a genuine intention to understand them and empathize.

A Return-to-Love Process™ script provides immediate help in a stressful situation by crafting a tailor-made dialogue the couple can enact, guiding them through establishing a win-win atmosphere and a collaborative framework for the rest of their conversation.  The script doesn't limit what you can say as much as it charts a safe passage over risky terrain that keeps so many of us from approaching our partner to talk about it. 

The nonviolent communication (collaborative conversation) approach is to listen for threatened or unmet needs and seek solutions that honor both people's needs in a win-win outcome.  (Who would resist that?)  To benefit from the script, two people don't necessarily have to agree on specific strategies as long as they want the needs of both people to be met.  Each Return-to-Love Process™ script offers a calm, open starting place. 

Return-to-Love Process™ scripts help prevent damage to trust and empathy from impulsive conversations when one or both parties feel defensive.  (We've all been there.)  By following the script, individuals can safely engage in a productive conversation about a difficult subject, supporting each other's well-being and fulfillment.  Doors open.

It takes just 5 to 7 minutes to create a script that will give you confidence.  See for yourself.

To paraphrase Dr. John Gottman, a conflict results from a conversation that is not happening.  Let's start the productive conversation you're busy not having but in a way that brings you safely into alignment with each other and with less risk of alienation.  A conversation facilitated by the Return-to-Love Process™ increases the probability of improving mutual understanding and empathy.

Participants can be here now more fully, representing their own interests more successfully, and still remain safe with each other — fully self-sovereign over the quality of their participation in talking about a difficult subject in partnership.

When someone asks you to name your feelings, how do you feel?  Do you feel it as an intrusion and withdraw from engagement, or do you appreciate their sincere interest in your experience? 

Whichever way you lean, The Return-to-Love Process™ offers a safe, respectful way to own your disclosures about your feelings, needs and wants.  The script guides you through a simple, peer-to-peer, win-win conversation between collaborators who want to support each other's fulfillment and well-being. 

Who would object to that?


A true story about a scripted conversation that changed everything