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True story: An intimate relationship that was rekindled after a breakup


Below is a real script that a couple enacted at a time of crisis in their relationship.  For confidentiality, we'll call them Jaiya and Dino.  Jaiya and Dino were in a satisfying intimate relationship for nearly one year.  During that time, Dino drove a long distance each time he visited Jaiya. 

At the time they enacted this script, Jaiya had ended their relationship for a month.  The presence of Dino's belongings hither and yon in her home was too stressful for her to continue his visits.  (Her way of dealing with her discomforts was to complain to Dino with no specific requests.  So Dino was ready to end the relationship, too.)

Dino heard about The Return-to-Love Process™ and invited Jaiya into a scripted conversation to see if they could find a win-win resolution to their impasse.  It took Dino less than 15 minutes to describe their situation to the service, request a script, send it to himself by e-mail, and print two copies. 

Later, it took them 4 minutes to enact the script.  They spent another 5 minutes sharing ideas about how to demark the space where Dino could store his belongings and how Dino could contribute to maintaining order up to Jaiya's standards. 

As a result of their 10-minute conversation using the script, they were both surprised to feel much more understood and respected after this one conversation.  The respectful, unbiased, neutral tone of the dialogue felt strangely unfamiliar in a welcomed way.  They decided to restart their relationship with clear agreements about the use of Jaiya's space during Dino's visits.

(As of their most recent report, they were falling in love again.  They had a basis for faith that they could address their threatened and unmet needs amicably in a way that was previously beyond the scope of their communication skills.)

Here's the script produced by The Return-to-Love Process™ after Dino described their situation to the service in less than 15 minutes:

Dino: Jaiya, I've been thinking about our situation, and I know I haven't been very considerate about your need for order and cleanliness in your home.  I understand now that my disorganization has resulted in you feeling anxious and tense, and I want to change that.

Jaiya: Thank you, Dino.  I appreciate your understanding.  It's true, I do feel anxious and tense when there's chaos around the house.  I want to feel calm and relaxed in my own home.

Dino: I hear you, Jaiya.  It's important to me that you feel calm and relaxed, too. I also want to feel welcome and appreciated when I visit.  I think we can find a way to meet the experiences each of us values in our relationship.  Can we discuss some boundaries for my belongings when I visit?

Jaiya: Yes, Dino.  I think that's a good idea.  It's important to me that you feel welcome and appreciated, too.  Let's discuss some boundaries.

Dino: Great.  How about if I keep my belongings in a specific area when I visit? That way, they won't be scattered around the house.  Would that work for you?

Jaiya: Yes, I think that could work.  We could designate a specific area for your belongings.  That would help me feel more relaxed and less anxious and tense.

Dino: I'm glad to hear that, Jaiya.  I want to respect your need for order and cleanliness.  I also appreciate your willingness to accommodate my need to feel welcome and appreciated.  Let's try this arrangement during my next visit and see how it goes.

Jaiya: I agree, Dino.  Let's try it.  I appreciate your understanding and your willingness to make changes for the sake of our relationship.  I believe this could help us both feel more comfortable and happy when we're together.

Our Sincere Invitation

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