Here's how to set up a successful scripted conversation to resolve a conflict.
- Understand the Conflict:
Before diving into the conversation, be clear about the desired experiences you want to address.
(Building a scripted conversation is a great way to do so.)
- Introduce 'The Return-to-Love Process':
Share with your partner about this online service.
Describe it as a step-by-step guide designed to improve mutual understanding.
Mention that many have found it beneficial.
Ask, "Would you be open to trying The Return-to-Love Process?"
- Explain the Process:
If they agree, explain further: "We provide details about our relationship challenge and what we want to address together.
The process then crafts a script, guiding our conversation.
All we need to do is read it together."
- Ensure Your Partner's Comfort:
It's crucial that both participants feel safe and respected.
Ask your partner, "What would make you comfortable as we try this?"
Be prepared to adjust to ensure their ease.
However, if you fear they might not be receptive, it's advisable to consult a trusted friend about the approach.
- Ways forward:
There are two ways to approach this process:
- Both separately describe your perspectives to the process and come together later with individual scripts.
- Collaboratively provide input to produce a single script.
Ask your partner which method they'd prefer.
Important points to keep in mind:
- Set appropriate expectations.
Here we've created a list of collaborative-conversation principles that will help you both succeed
if you keep them in front of you during the conversation.
- Addressing sensitive issues can make one feel vulnerable.
The script from The Return-to-Love Process aims to provide a structured, safer space to traverse these tricky topics.
- Alternative conflict-resolution approaches might include 1) seek therapy, 2) impulsively discuss your discomfort (which could worsen things), or 3) ignore it altogether, enabling resentment to grow.
- The phrase "We need to talk" can seem confrontational and might be taken defensively.
A softer initiation like, "There's something I'd like to talk about. Is now a good time?" is often more effective.
- Being genuine, vulnerable, and kind when initiating tough conversations can melt barriers.
Displaying trust can be potent.
Hiding behind defenses can signal mistrust.
A Word of Caution:
There are individuals who are adamant about "not needing to change" and might interpret your attempt to talk about the relationship as personal criticism.
They might react defensively or even aggressively.
Before introducing the idea, gauge your partner's potential response.
If you believe they can't handle constructive feedback, it's a significant red flag for the health of the relationship.
Reflect on whether you're okay with the existing dynamics or if change is essential.
In many cultures, personal growth in relationships is often seen as a feminine concern, leading to an imbalance in mutual understanding and growth.
Recognizing and addressing this can be a step toward a healthier relationship.
Finally, always prioritize safety in your approach.
Seek help if needed.
Best of luck with your process! Please let us know how we can help.
Please send us feedback about your experience and how we can help.
A true story about a scripted conversation that changed everything
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